Unihow? The Single Reason for Unibrows

Where do unibrows come from? We see them from time to time. I used to think of it as an age thing. A brow above the right eye and a brow above the left eye, attacted to each other in a moment of passionate love embrace....then get stuck because their hips went out and they just kinda stay there 'cause they don't have Life Alert, sprawled above the bridge of the nose for the world to see. But it can't be an age thing because young'uns have unibrows too. Young'uns don't have hips that go out....so why in the world do unibrows exist? Well, friends, have no fear because I'm here to tell you.

Have you ever noticed that a unibrow often looks like a caterpillar? Have you? HAVE YOU?! Sorry....got a little too intense there. I sometimes get like that when I talk about lepidoptera larvae...IT PUMPS ME UP, MAN!! Anyway, it's fitting that it looks that way...and while the unibrow may look like a caterpillar, it actually has much more in common with what the caterpillar turns into - a butterfly.

How so you ask? What a dumb question. Isn't it obvious? The beauty is the same. The elegance is the same. The usage of their likeness on little girl backpacks is the same.........well it should be. If you have a daughter, get her a unibrow backpack. She'll thank you when she's older.

As a matter of fact, butterflies are actually named after unibrows. It's true. I'll prove it. Butterfly is made up of two words; butter and fly. I'll explain the butter part in a second. We'll start with the word fly...I'll just be blunt. Fly stands for being high. Higher than Andre the Giant on stilts atop Mount Everest. 

Butter is a bit more complicated. You see, "butter" is street lingo for getting drunk. What? You've never heard of that? Well you ain't got my street cred, so back off, yo. All the peeps on the streets be usin' that term. Let me explain, fam. 

Land O' Lakes butter is the most gangsta butter of all the brands. By far. There's not even a contest. If Land O' Lakes butter wore pants, you'd be able to read the entire first chapter of Moby Dick on their boxer shorts....that's how low those pants would be sagging, and there'd still be space left. That's some gangsta ghee right there. 

And what makes Land O' Lakes so recognizable? Yup, the friendly-looking Native American lady on the front. She kinda looks like the Native Americans that you see running casinos. Smiling, making you feel welcome, luring you in to play several games of chance in an effort to win money....like slots, poker, and blackjack. What's the goal in blackjack, by the way? To hit 21?.....Like the legal drinking age for kids in the United States? Butter stands for getting drunk....starting to make sense now?

So we know that butterflies were named after unibrows because of the obvious similarities in attractiveness as well as the fact that the name stands for drunk and high. But where does drunk and high come in and what does that have to do with unibrows? Well, that's pretty simple, but not quite what you may expect. When someone is high, they get really mellow. When are people at their most mellow? In their sleep, of course....and here's where the magic happens. 

Everyone on this planet is technically at one, big drinking party hosted by Mother Nature - the cool mom that let the party happen at her house. The people with unibrows fell asleep during that party. What happens to people that fall asleep during drinking parties? They get drawn on. With Mother Nature being the host, she did the honors...Except instead of a Sharpie, she used hair...The next thing you know, we've got folks running around with unibrows. 

So now you know where unibrows originate from. You also know that you probably should watch your intake of alcohol because you never know what could happen to you....you may end up with a new facial feature that matches the design on your daughter's backpack.